Juniors Ahoy, Abandon Ship.

Kem Jaya Diri is over. I'm not happy. I guess we did a bad job at KJD. The juniors didn't learn the Prefect Pledge till after the camp was over. They did okay at it too. Memorized the whole thing in a WEEK. Please note: WEEK. We were given 2 days. Make it 1 and a half. I coulden't sleep even if death asked me too. The f*cking tent was so damn hot and outside was so humid. Was sweating buckets of perspiration products. Not happy. Did 20-30 push-ups on the first day alone. I was the first to be given the punishment. Sylvester did not like my flip-flops. :(

Speaking of push-ups, none of the juniors did more than 10 throughout the whole camp. It was kind of dissapointing. Though I would feel bad if I gave them the punishment myself. But who cares, if I could do it, why not them. It's all because of the new rules. Some careless asthmatic collapsed and died because of being pushed too much to finish his/her push-ups. There is such a thing as an inhaler. God.

Their punishment was more to fickle attempts to annoy them greatly. We snatched away their 'trust' book thingies, and we gave them back without making them pay for it. It's a conspiracy, we all had to do 10 push-ups everytime our 'trust' was stolen. Waht teh fcuk la.

What's more is that I got shouted at by Mr. Patrick Avon. The PKHEM of our school and our belove- f*ck, I hate this man, he freaking scolds everyone like he's our boss. We're just prefects and he's the teacher in charge, not hired help from Indonesia. I don't even care if he reads this because he needs to get his priorities straight. We are not slaves. If he wants such perfect prefects, go f*ck a cow and wish for it. All the best for 07/08 prefects to deal with such a jerk. He's a freaking ART teacher. Who cares about ART? ART cannot be taught. It is manifested by the spontaneous creativity of an individual. *sshole. Who's scared of an ART teacher anyway? You tell me. He's NEVER around to lend us a hand. NEVER gives us words of support. ALWAYS talks out of topic and wastes our time, making us late for class. THAT is why teachers dislike us. They THINK we purposely skip their classes just because there's a meeting. NOW you know. F*ck. WE WANT MDM. JENNY BACK. REINSTATE HER NOW. PKHEM SHOULD NEVER BE A PROCRASTINATING TWITCHING MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.

I'm not afraid if he reads this. This is out of his bounds to 'expel' me. If he hates me, fine, as if any of us like him back. Even his 'treasured' juniors think he's just a blabbermouth. All talk, no substance. Just drones on and on about SOMETHING irrelevant to the topic, if there was a topic to begin with.

I forgot to say why I'm so pissed about this man. He called me stupid when leading the juniors at night. We got direct instructions from Mr. Charlton Brian NOT to use our damn torchlights unless given the signal. The 'conversation' went like this if I can recall vaguely:

Idiot: "Kenapa kamu tak guna torchlight la?! Kalau mereka jatuh dan cedera macam mana?!"
Me: "Kami diberitahu oleh cikgu Charlton untuk tidak mengguna torchlight."
Idiot: "KENAPA TAK BOLEH?! BODOH! Pegang tangan dia la! @#$%!"
Me: "F*ck you la retard."

I said that under intense breath that the junior I was holding giggled. I mean, who does he think he is? He didn't just call me stupid, he called almost everyone else on that shift stupid for following Mr. Charlton's instructions. If he's so angry, go pick a fight with Mr. Charlton then. *sshole. I'm sure he'll get pounded like mashed potato and cry to his mother. His mother will then kick his nuts and blend them up and splat it on his face and call it ART.

F*CK YOU LA.
AS IF YOU ARE KING??
YOU ARE JUST AN ART TEACHER.
I HATE YOU.
WE ALL HATE YOU.
YOUR TREASURE 'BABIES' ARE STARTING TO HATE YOU.
GET A LIFE, ART TEACHER.

God.

Hate isn't enough to express my feelings towards the fat cow.

WE WANT MDM. JENNY BACK.

Moving on, my junior is Mathias Kumek. He rocks. Very obedient and 'guai'. I guess he has Head Prefect potential. That is to say before I corrupt him. Uh oh. Anyways, it seems Sebastian Lim is possibly getting complacent. If you don't really know what complacent means, look it up in the dictionary, don't find fault with me. Sebastian was supposedly the predetermined Head Preffie long before juniors were invited to join. Seems he does not have the desire. Amelia Chia is also a predetermined Head Preffie. But looking through her, I see fake respect. It's as though she's just waiting to be elected and pay no attention to seniors. She has the right to anyway. Anyone who's better than me has the right to pay no attention to me. Just a matter of preference.

Anyway, so far so good, the juniors are sweet little kiddies. I love them all. Just that some are too sweet, they can't neutralize the bitter and sour in the school. i.e. 'kurang-ajar-lame-pai-kias'. Why aren't they expelled yet? I don't know. The principal probably doesn't give a flying damn. As long as I don't get beaten up. If I do, call your lawyer.

All in all, I guess things aren't so bad. Let's recap shall we?

1. Kem Jaya Diri was a failure.
2. I'm very sexy.
3. ART teachers make lousy leaders.
4. I hate suck ups.
5. Mdm. Jenny should be reinstated as PKHEM.
6. I have no respect for current PKHEM.
7. ART teachers = twitch.

Speaking of twitching, have you ever noticed that he twitches involuntarily during mid-speech? It's retarded.

Dear Loved One,

do not be flattered.

You mean so much,

yet give so little.

This is for you,

loving snake.

I am in love,
therefore I am.
Without love,
I am nothing.
I am me,
only without you.
Regardless,
I am still nothing.
You don’t see me,
I'm right in front.
Pierce my heart,
free me now.
I need you,
where are you?
I’m calling,
can you hear me?
I search for you,
I find nothing.
The day passes,
I hide beneath shadows.
I will not cry,
you will not bother.
My head is weak,
I need your shoulder.
Where is your mouth,
of which preaches me.
Your soothing voice,
it makes me blush.
I cannot forget,
the month of December.
Love abundant,
love temporary.
Fooled by illusion,
blinded by emotion.
Lost in fading love,
searching for you.
Murdered by fate,
it lies to me each day.
Pleasing you greatly,
to watch me die slowly.
My naïve inquiries,
end in embarrassment.
Lacking greatly in pity,
for someone so unprepared.
Become the hated person,
whom hurt you first.
Do I deserve this,
I ask my friends.
They pretend to care,
anesthetic in overdose.
Facts are what I find,
yet still asking questions.
Sadness in memory,
forgetting nothing of it.
Bringing much sorrow,
only to be abused in the end.
Do you not appreciate,
the things I’ve said?
Tell me now, tell me now,
let not lies be a wall.
In truth I find,
you have someone else?
Finally a backdoor,
a reason to hate you.
Is it bad for me to assume,
you have many after you.
Procrastinating each request,
with such old excuses.
Intelligence profuse,
do you not exploit it?
Such a dunce am I,
to be given childish reasoning?
Stupidity partial,
do not insult my understanding.
Of such humans like you,
trustworthiness pointed out?
Damage me with the obvious,
I am tempting you to do so.
Give me reason to hate you,
so that I won’t love you.
Impossible when rethinking,
because you are that special.
Average everyday lover,
I cannot use to describe you.
You give me reason to smile,
you make me stop breathing.
Continuing to love you,
it might be my own mistake.
The fault is all yours,
you touched me first.
Forgive me my lover,
for I have loved you so.

Thank You,

My Very Special Someone. Y

It hurts . . .
It really hurts . . .
Please make it stop . . .
I don't want to love you . . .
Never knew it hurts so much . . .
Just make it stop, it hurts . . .
Can you go away now? . . .
Stop doing this to me . . .
I hate you so much . . .
But I don't know . . .
How I can do it . . .
It really hurts . . .
It just hurts . . .

I want you to go away,

though you're never really here.

You treated me so well,

but that's all history now.

What is this game you're playing,

it's making me lose everything.

Am I gambling my heart,

for someone insignificant?

Stop saying you really care,

because I don't feel anything.

I feel so much for you,

even though I'm ignored.

Just take me away,

before I get myself lost again.

I used to love another,

that I left for you.

Does it mean anything,

when I say 'I like you'?

Everyone is staring,

though I feel invisible.

Take out this beautiful knife,

which you used to stab me before.

Am I asking for too much,

when you don't even listen at all?

Everyone is talking,

but I only hear your voice fading.

I know I dissapoint you,

and I'm hardly tring to improve.

I constantly try to apologize,

but you just look away.

Stop talking about Beijing,

I know you're leaving me anyway.

I wish you all the best,

even though I want to hurt you.

I want to hate you,

but always run back for comfort.

You're voice rings in my mind,

choking me when I hear your name.

You say you'll be there for me,

such colourful words in black and white.

December, I smiled everyday,

January, I waited by the window.

December, I slept with a happy heart,

February, I couldn't close my eyes.

December, I felt your care for me,

March, I contemplated spiritual suicide.

Save me from this emotion,

or this will be my last goodbye.

You can keep running,

but I will still be waiting.

I don't want to regret any of this,

though you give me 99 reasons to.

With you, I flew the highest high,

with you, I fell the lowest low.

I've learnt to let you go long ago,

but don't forget to remember me.

I really like you,

but do you like me?

Even if you say you do,

I wouldn't believe you anyway.

There's a hole in my heart,

your mark branded on it forever.

Your voice in my mind,

your smile in my heart,

your touch miles away,

your breath in the wind,

your gaze is misdirected,

your love,

only a memory.

Thank you, my very special person. Y

Condolesco Amatorius.

Translation: Pain of loving.
Situation: Heartbroken and in denial.
Feeling: Unwanted and deprived of care.
Reason: Left by special Someone.
Result: Will not sleep for whole night; thinking of Person.
Action to be taken: Nothing.

I never knew things could get this complicated. I'm a good person, no matter how I act on the outside. My intentions are usually good. I don't deserve this. Person doesn't deserve me. I wish I didn't get that fateful Friendster message. Person is going to Beijing to sit for entrance exam for a university. Person is smart. I am not. I cannot chase person in Beijing. I will have to let Person go because I care for Person. I feel so played. Even though I'm not. Person promised an SMS a minute before offlining. I have not recieve one as of yet. Why do I keep feeling so bad? Like wanting to throw up or biting something in half. I feel so strange inside. It's a crush. That's all it is. A simple juvenile crush. Which is actually hurting me. I used to like it, now I don't. I only wish I could just forget about this relationship like the others. Hoping this would turn around for the better. But I need to face the facts. Once you leave for your dream career, you'll be too busy to even come online like you promise you would. I never liked your promises. They're always broken. I can't seem to glue them back together to make things seem better. I'm trapped.

And I still like you.

I have turned emo. Am hoping I have no potential suicidal tendencies like I would think. Touch wood. I sort of enjoy liking you. It just gives me something to look forward to everyday. You're really something special. Everyone I love is special. But that doesn't hide the fact you still hurt me. Does this mean I'm spoilt? I only ask for so little. Why do I have to be the one who SMSs first. Why do you only call when you sense trouble. I don't like you. But I can't hate you. Why? This is weird. I'm weird. My friends think I'm weird. Or that's what I think.

You must have someone. You probably do already. I'm paranoid, so what. I have reason to. You've changed so much since last December. Your excuse? I can't be like that all the time. You haven't been like that for 2 months. What's your problem? What's my problem? I don't know. You never tell me. It's always a change of topic. I'm supposed to forget about you. But I had a hard time forgetting the previous. Now we're just friends. And I'm fated to never fall in love with friends. I'm on a downward spiral to being single and depressed. Thank you for everything.

I'm not angry. Just don't like this feeling. It's so messy. I'm so messed up. All because I like you.

I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.....

And I hate myself for it.
Please don't forget me when you leave.
Don't be the person who hurt you first.
Would you want me to feel the same as you did?
I don't know your answer.
But I hope you don't.

You say I should find someone else. At least I would be happier. I don't know if I would be. Or if I would find someone else like you. Neither do I want anyone else. I want you. Only you. You get me? I keep your history notes that you sent near me. I can't bear to read them as you keep irritatingly ask me to. I just can't concentrate having something from you so near me. Because I know I won't have anything else. I'll miss you when you go. Very much so that I will never forget your cute nerdy voice, your clumsy english and irresistability.

Good night.