Where Are You?

I didn't think it would feel this bad ...
.

... I thought you would have forgiven me by now ...

.

... Seems I don't know you the way I thought I did

.

... You said you still wanted to be friends ...

.

I thought that would be better before ...

.

... Yet you did not like it when I said so ...

.

... You confuse me with your own games

.

... But you blame me for your own confusion ...

.

Please forgive me, whatever I did ...

.

You confuse me. I miss you.

Murder After Rebirth.

This is for you, my Phantasmic Crush.

...

You took away again,

what I thought would be;

Something we would treasure,

something we could remember,

something you can't ignore,

something you won't let go.

...

I was wrong,

it's all over now.

All I have are memories,

floating in my mind.

They taunt me,

I cannot stand it.

I feel disoriented,

I feel lost in the past.

Of what was,

of what could have been.

Gone with the wind,

as the old prairie saying goes.

Sweet memories,

but that's all they are.

...

Memories of You.

...

I wish to have you back,

doubt it would happen.

What I want,

will not be.

I must accept the facts,

before I drown in static wait.

I will not cry,

Thou not worthy.

You stabbed me, my angel,

with beautiful lies of yesterday.

The auger you hold,

it pierces my frozen heart.

I cannot forgive you,

although I do.

...

I miss you, my dear,

my Phantasmic Crush.

...

Like a silhouette,

you hide when I approach.

Like a mirage,

what is irresistable, unattainable.

You bruised me,

without even trying.

I resist your enticing whispers,

asking for my attention.

Maybe it was an illusion,

you were one weren't you?

Just come back,

I'll wait even if you don't.

...

My Phantasmic Crush,

Forgive me,

For I have loved you so.

---

...Loving A Sweet Illusion

Drown Myself In Alcohol.

Last night was actually my parent's anniversary but both of them forgot till the next day due to the presence of my mother's mother-in-law a.k.a father's mother. We brought her to Sun City for dinner. The food was better than before, but not good enough to say it was value for money. Far from it. The service is still crap and the new waiters and waitresses are fucking stupid. Who says study is not important? *hint*

This was what I had. I prefer western food over chinese anytime. I don't know why. It must be not reaching for food whenever you want to put something in your mouth. So much more convenient because I like to eat with one hand. Peculiar.

This is my Beef Strogonoff. It's probably German. It sounds German. Anyways, my camphone's flash is screwed, I know. Either way, my food was still good. *drool*

Then, after dinner, my mom decided to reward herself for a week of cooking non-stop for my grandmother from Kuching. She had a Margarita and a Martini. I drank quite alot from it too. It made me happy. :)

1st is the Margarita and 2nd would be Martini. Contrary to what my mother told me, Martinis are not sweet. They are gin-based and taste like water but with that alcoholic aftertaste. It's not my type of thing, because I prefer more tasty drinks. Margarita was great though. Had salty, sweet, sour, and bitter in that particular order. Uumph. I'm definitely going to drink when I get older. I can't not. If you've noticed on the Margarita, that first sip ruined the salt rim. My fault, sorry. I told my mom I wanted to order a Pantie Dropper on my next birthday. FYI, it's a drink.

This picture actually screams to me the word, 'Satisfaction'. Inspiring, no? And I don't smoke. It was just there. I swear. :)

Drinking makes people happy. I can understand now. :)

Passion Revisited.

It really comes to no surprise when I tell myself I don't blog much anymore. I think I should. Life is so stressful these days, with studies and extra-curricular activities and whatnot. Not to mention my track record of failed relationships. It sucks to be a schoolboy. It sucks even more to be a schoolboy having to deal with school affairs. Nevertheless, I find it to be enlightening and a good experience for my future.

Who the hell am I kidding? I'm feeling tired everyday, my metabolism is screwed, I'm confused between what's logic and 'not'. How can someone cope with all this responsibility all in one go? I shall list down all my burdens at this point of time. Well, only in school. The rest is pretty much fucked up. Let's see;

1. Drama Club
2. Magazine Club
3. Prefect Board
4. Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM, duh)
5. My Own Screwed, Crappy, Inferior, Troubled, Oneself (MOSCITO, if you don't get it, screw off).

So, for drama, it's pretty much 'dramatic', as it's expected to be. I found out today that I'm the supposed 'director/stage manager' on the fateful day of the competition. Hurray. Not. I bet David must be thinking 'What The Fuck' right about now. Yes, I'm also thinking 'What The Fuck'. What makes things worse is that this year, they will have a 'Best Director' award for whoever does the role justice. Knowing this fact, of course I will try to get it, I mean, why the hell not? I will beg Mr. Charlton to attempt to find the requisites and marking scheme to how those queer judges 'judge' us all. Though, I will admit now, that I will probably cry if I don't get it, because when I try my hardest to get something, and fail, it's pretty shitty for my self-esteem, I have to say. I know that the band has experienced this kind of shit before, and I don't want to be the next person who does. I want to be the best director among all the other 10 competing schools, because I worked shitfuck for this and I am not fucking going to give this fucking award away to some fucking undeserving asshole who sucks up to the judges. No fucking way.

As for the other four, I'll deal with it some other time. Drama is just 2 weeks away. I'm going to work all my people like dogs and feed them cat poop. My neighbour has many cats. I will ask them to put them in a plastic bag for me. Did you know faeces has much undigested nutrients? Or is it just for plants? Who cares. They'll be the ones finding out if anything sprouts out their butts. Wuahahaha. Sorry guys, but it's all or nothing.

Peace, bitches.

My Lover for the Weekend.

This is just for you.

(Not Beautiful Liar)

...

I bite my pencil,

words yet to be seen.

I continue,

around damped voices.

I keep silent,

waiting for revelation.

I scribble,

upon faceless paper.

My pencil,

it dances in a sonata.

Beauty in words,

only by your name.

I think of you,

even when I don't.

...

Like a drug,

I never seem to have enough.

I'm feverish,

sick of being away from you.

Why is it,

I try to love again?

When I was hurt,

I should have learnt from the pain.

I resist the inevitable,

that I will never see you.

Fate is not merciful,

for one as sinful as I.

Would things be as different,

if I hope for the better?

...

I scribble your name,

with hearts in black.

Graphite Love,

it sounds inexistant.

Like our future,

it is dark.

I see no silver lining,

I reach for my pen.

I line your name with red,

like the blood from my heart.

...

You have slaughtered my freedom,

You have caged my heart.

I feel no regret,

for you are the one I love.

...

Forgive me, my lover.

For I have loved you so.

---

...unGraphite Lover Y

We Crashed The Mall, Not Very Well.

It was one of those days I just had to go to Parkson to finish up the drama script, though in fact I could finish two in a day. I suppose I'm just too lazy again. I rewrote everything because I wasn't satisfied though. But back to the 3rd of June, here are just some random pics.



I mean, you'd think we'd be going to Coffee Bean everyday and eating those over-priced salads and crap when we have the money to buy these as-crappy things just the same right? I don't know, maybe it's just that Malaysian mentality that's telling us not to eat that Caesar Salad. Maybe. Still, don't you think that the quality of food in these fast-food outlets have become a little lax? They all look like crap when you're not hungry. I forgot to mention, all the girls here are single and available. I have their phone numbers. Ask me if you want them. Though I am not liable for any losses in I.Q. level and fluctuation in general ego. TQ.

I mean, take the supposed 'chicken' nuggets for example, they are tasteless and look like puppy shit. I heard somewhere that the factories bleach the meat using some 'edible' chemical, so that they can use the excuse that its 'chicken' breast meat and is actually very healthy. Last time I checked one of their nutritional value leaflets, it was 2nd highest in calorific value compared with the double cheese burger. Sometimes I even doubt the burger patties are even real meat. Doesn't hell taste like beef in my opinion. Don't you agree?



And the chips suck. Why shoestring potato chips? Aren't crinkle cut better? Come on you corporate people of McDonald's, the potato is a sacred source of uneccessary carbohydrates. Why oh why?



Look at my porridge, you mix it up and it looks like this. Looking back, I think those pieces of 'chicken' were not really chicken. Frightening shit right there. And the pepper doesn't taste like pepper. More like PAPER. HAHAHAHA. Not funny, but I'm making a point that it tastes like paper. Because paper is tasteless. How do I know? Because.



Look, I offered Grace a nugget and she got all 'get your bitch hands away from me'. Well, not really, but she did eat it though. Kristine went on a diet and ate 1 chip and 2 sips of my Pepsi. Well, not really, she picked pieces off my fried chicken, which tasted like real, generic, fattened, farm chicken. Paulina didn't care. She is all woman. I wonder where did Sarah go. Maybe she ran away after she saw how shitty the nuggets came out. Puppy shit. Hehehehe.

Oh, come see some pictures I took of my church. It's not very exciting, but it's still pictures right? Heheh...



My dad is the one with the white head. Just some extra info. Don't know what for, but hey, it's the era of infomation technology? I should probably stop now. The design isn't really nice and modern, but it really hits home when the choir starts to sing and everyone else joins in. Holy crap, I'm turning emo-religious now. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!



We came a LITTLE early the other day. But looking at this picture, ya, church is kind of like a home away from home. Though I dislike the particular priests' sermons. He's so long-winded. There goes my religious emosity. *flaps away*

Some days were good. Alot of days could be better. Most days are never perfect. But you've got to live each day to the fullest. You've only got yourself to care about in the end.

Y God Loves You.