I'm Tired..

Physically, I tend to fall drowsy and decide to go for a 'quick' nap. After which I wake shockingly 4 hours later, with a growling stomach. Nothing new.

But there is something, or rather, someone.. Well, a few someones, who really just confuse me.

I'm tired of playing this tug-of-war, where I know whoever I'm against is stronger than me, yet still does not take me seriously and cuts me some slack for just a little while, so I can catch my breath, and continue pulling to try and win the war of which I will never be victorious.

I don't get how these few people, just take pleasure in bringing me up, and letting me down even harder. I have learnt from these experiences not to try and give a fuck, but whenever I start to distance myself away from these people, it only gets harder just not talking to them.

I wonder why I find myself stuck in such situations over and over again. They're nice people, no doubt about that. But for some strange reason, I'm treated differently. I might be wrong. Though it seems they have something in common. Which is that they will always find the same faults against me, which ultimately makes me feel like a douche bag. The blows keep coming, even though they say it's okay.

I get messages. My replies are long(er) and thought-out. Why can't I get the same in return? You only message me out of boredom, or when you have no one else to message at random. I gladly reply with anticipation of a proper convo. But never, have I been satisfied at all, with the replies I receive when I am the one who messages first. Sometimes, I don't get a reply until a few hours later, or nothing at all. At times, I get a 'sorry', but most times, never.

It hurts.

Why can't I be treated the way I treat you? I don't like to be the one expecting a reply, only to receive it hours later, or not be replied to at all. I might sound childish, but really, I know I entertain people well when they're my friends. Does that mean, I'm not your friend?

Have I ever ignored you without a good reason? Especially when that someone is right here, next to my core? You make me jealous, envy that you have no bruises like mine. I try so hard to sound unaffected whenever you do reply back. But inside, there is the struggle to just give up, even though I know I'll regret it, because you're special to me.

Think about it.

Sincerely hurt,
The Milkman