Life (Caution: For Relief, Slash Wrist?)

I'm kind of dissapointed, with so many things at a time.

First would be the fact that the school year is over, and I have a month and a half to 'relax'. The problem is, I'm deathly bored. I don't have any idea as to how to entertain myself. But of course, there's the PS2, and the ever-trustworthy computer. Not quite. I'm thankful though, that I had recently bought the new Final Fantasy XII game, after waiting for quite some time. Bought it for RM 6, around RM2-3.50 more expensive than when you buy it from Chop Soon Seng from Boulevard Shopping Complex, but hey, considering the original price for the game, it's a helluva bargain.

Hmm, I'd give the game an 8 out of 10, considering the walking speed of the main character is SO slow, and you know how RPGs are, always the running back and forth motive. Blah. Anyways, the graphics are amazing, the characters are unique, the voice-overs especially are quite good, especially the bunny-girl, Fran, who is a Vieran to be more specific. But I doubt you know what that is anyway. It's the bunny-people type race. Don't ask. They just look really tanned, have really long bunny ears, have nice hair, and wear metal pieces strung around their body to look like 'armor'. Pfft, looked like futuristic defensive undies to me. They didn't have little bunny tails though. Yes, 'aww'.

Moving on to the topic of life and wrist-slashing, I strongly advise you to take this message seriously. When in depression, do not go near the kitchen, there are knives, do not buy razors and keep them in your handbag or wallet, do not keep your problems to yourself, do not cry in a locked room, do not pretend that nothing is wrong. These days I'm hearing more and more of my friends, mostly online, that they have experienced depression. Almost all have said they have ever physically hurt themselves. This is not a nice thing to hear. I just don't know what is it about pressure that makes us feel so suicidal. I suppose when you don't believe in things like hell or heaven, it's nice to just fall asleep and never wake up.

I'm not saying that I wasn't suicidal before, it's happened to alot of us. Sometimes the reasons are as silly as not getting a new toy, or not being able to continue a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend because your parents tell you so. Heartbreak kills. In my case I had once thought I was going to lose everything. I shan't go into detail. The feeling of the inability to do anything because I was incapable was devastating. It was like all escape routes have been shut down or set ablaze and the fires were slowly creeping towards me. Thinking I would eventually get burnt, and with no chance of escape, where else can I turn. Life sends you your first suicidal attempt point blank.

Some people are just so lucky, they live in big houses, have nice imported cars, eat at restaurants whenever they want, take week-long vacations outside of Malaysia, spend on clothes and only wear them once or twice, buy new handphones monthly because the old one is 'out of fashion'. Some people.

Maybe when you read this you might think, 'Well, I'm not one of those people'. You might be right, but you still have things to get you by. You have parents that love you, even if sometimes they don't pay much attention, you have friends who care for you, even if you fight with them over the smallest things occasionally. Like rice, you don't appreciate it because you've had it your whole life. But behind each grain of rice is the effort put in by those farmers, sowing everyday, under the sun. Sometimes we need to be reminded about what we have, and forget for just a moment our troubles in life.

My friends, I wish I could tell you what I have experienced, but words cannot express what should be said. You can only experience it for yourself, and feel the pain, the confusion, the anger, the sadness. It crushes you inside to know you can't do anything while it's happening.

Oh no, I'm becoming emo. Thank god Grace and Robin are talking to me, or I would have turned into one of those bawling mess-ups. Anyway, I will try to write better next time. Sorry this post isn't as 'sexed-up' as the previous two, which is actually a good thing. For me anyway. Signing out.