I failed again.

I failed to be understanding.

I failed to love the right way.

I failed to ask for forgiveness.

I will never find myself someone who loves me for who I am.

I will never be able to understand the feelings of another.

I will always think I am right, in doing so I lose the people I love greatly.

All I can say is that...



I feel empty.



What's the use, he'll never look or talk to me the same way ever again. I might as well just give up and cry. I said so many times to myself that no one is worth crying for except my parents and grandma. I was very wrong. He took away my dignity, and I'm letting him do it, all because I want him to myself, no matter how hurt I get. Someone tell me, is this love?

Love is an illusion anyway. Always has been. We all imagine it to be something more. All it is is a special connection between two people. Special... It used to be special, I guess only I found it that way. He said he likes me, I like him too. Though I don't feel it anymore. It's all my fault. I made a crack in this relationship and it slowly got bigger till I fell too deeply in.

What is wrong with me? I'm so nasty and don't realise it. I always thought my good side was better compared to most, and it would neuter my defection. I have to be nicer. I need to think of other peoples' feelings. I need to get my priorities straight. God, help me become a better person.

I'm sorry to all my Art side friends that I insulted all Art side students as a whole. I meant to refer to those useless students. I never meant to hurt your feelings, especially Cathrine. You might not be a close friend as compared from before, but you're still my friend. I'm sorry.

I think I'm going to fail SPM because of all this emotional disturbance. To think I thought I would be immune to this damn occurance. Apparently not. You stole my heart and kept it in a beautiful cage. I cannot say I hate it. I cannot say I hate you. I like you, in fact. Very much so. Why?

I conclude my post with this very over-centimental line:

I'd rather have bad times with you, than have good times with someone else...

It's a summary of everything I feel right now.

Sincerely Yours,
Joe Y