Eventuality In Advance.

Might as well admit it now. I don't really think anyone reads my blog anyway.

If you have, you might have noticed I have been on an emotional roll in my posts. This is because I'm not involved in a normal relationship. I didn't imply the gender of the person I care for in any way, because it's not really a 'she'.

I'm bi.

That's right. I'm not so sure myself, but all I know is, I feel the same for some guys as I do for some girls. It's kind of weird to most people, I know. But I just don't feel there is a need for me to keep it a secret for so long. It is who I am after all. If my friends were really my friends, they would accept me for who I am. I haven't told this to a few of my closest, because I would think they woulden't really take it very well. I don't know. I just feel like I'm in a blender.

This guy I like, I will not say who, is a really great guy. He has his faults, just like anyone else. He makes me smile, and makes me frown, sometimes feel like punching the wall, though I woulden't, because it will kind of hurt. Anyways, I do like him, but I don't really see myself getting involved in gay marriage. That's just too much. Who's going to give birth to the baby?

On a serious note, I don't really like myself this way either. Sometimes I feel that I was given the wrong hormones/pheromones upon birth, though everyone says God doesn't make mistakes and the such. But really, the hormone part is understandable, if you know the difference between hormones and pheromones. Pheromones is because everyone is starting to turn gay to me. Recently two of my friends(now complete useless sex crazed *ssholes), have become somewhat of gay people. They know who they are. Let me just release my tension.

X messaged my boyfriend(I know it sounds weird, okay, so just f*ck up) on Friendster. Y added my boyfriend on Friendster AND Msn. I mean, who tries to steal your boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back? To add to that, they are both guys. Seriously,

COME ON LA.

*ssholes.

So desperated to get f*cked. Trying to make excuses like they don't know anything or they didn't know it was him that I showed them. It's not as if I don't get how the typical homosexual acts. Especially teenages gays. I'm bi, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't know either way. Let's get this straight(oh my gosh, so ironic, no?), I may apply heterosexual implications:

1. You look at someones profile on Friendster because of 4 main reasons:
a. You recognize them as old/new friends and want to add them.
b. You are pathetic and add as many people as you possibly can.
c. You want to know them better so as to start a possible relationship.
d. You think they are hot and sexy and want to have sex with them.
2. You wait for the relationship to worsen, then swoop in for the kill.
3. You want 1 person as a back up just in case you get rejected by the person you really like.
This doesn't apply to straight people:
1. If you find a guy attractive, you are afraid to approach him because of the possible rejection and embarassment that news will spread that you are gay.
2. When you know someone is confirmed to be gay, you are less likely to be shy about getting to know the person more, especially if the guy is a friend of a friend.
3. Gay people are not easy to find, so you immediately try to snatch the nearest one you can find once he's available.
4. Most homosexuals are sex crazy. They constantly think about sex or having sex. Remember, males get sexually stimulated very easily.
5. 1 to 4 applies to most homosexuals, not all. Mostly teens, are they are very horny.

This is my main implications about Friendster and gay people. As usual, I'm probably 99.9% right. My apologies if you find this totally immoral, but what I have said is just basic human psychology. By the way, may I remind you that X and Y are still *ssholes? Very horny *ssholes indeed. Both of them should just have sex in the teacher's toilet. Ya.

In my defence, I did not approach this guy. He messaged me first. We sent a few messages in Friendster. Traded Msn addresses. Gave him my handphone number. He called the same night. We talked. He said a few things that made me smile. Things started from then on.

It's not easy having this kind of relationship. He's not even here. Typing this I already feel broken hearted, sorry to say to all you anti-gays. I don't know why, but I really feel for this person. I think I always will. I never thought it would get this bad. I don't like it either. I wish everyday that I could just forget this guy or if I never met him at all. Sometimes though, I wish I could just hug him. Sorry.

It hurts to be in a distance relationship. You don't get to touch them, feel their breath on your face as they talk close to you, hold your hand when you have something to say, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, all those things. You know? And I don't mean for guy-guy relationships only. I'm sure all you 'normal' people understand. It really hurts like shit and at times feels like heaven.

I'm sorry to everyone who expected more from me. I guess I coulden't control myself. He's so special, I can't even start to explain how. He's just... amazing.

Can I say this is love? I don't know. Someone explain to me.

End of transmission.