Cuz I Don't Believe In You Anymore.

Perfectionista Incarnato.

My mom is a perfectionist.

Why? Don't ask me, she just is. Not that I totally am proud of it, sometimes it's a complete drag. She complains about others when she really doesn't do much of a mistake when it's her turn. But when she does, she will NEVER admit to being wrong. Even when I'm right about something which she thinks she knows better, she will not say anything or admit.

The other night at her workplace, a mother of an ex-classmate of mine in primary school apparently embarassed her asking for a donation for the tsunami. That person sucks according to my moms story anyway. Very egotistical woman who is very into donations and whatnot. I hope she loses her bank account. Right now I'm on my mom's side of defence. Not that it woulden't change if I heard the other side of the story. There's always two sides to one. But I won't listen to that fat cow's explaination anyway. I don't even know her son anymore, he's an *sshole too.

Updated: My mom just blasted me off for reminding her about having my picture taken in the studio. She's so tense and hyper all the damn time. I hate her this way. She's so perfect doing everything else but useless in keeping her mentality in control. Always complaining about everybody else when no one can complain about her. So perfect? Guess not quite.

Sien. I'm so freaking sien of everyone. I'm not perfect but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to hate everyone at this point of time.

I think I'll take up smoking if this doesn't end. This freaking hate feeling towards everyone's habits. Maybe I'll take drinking up as well. Give me something to relieve me. Anything. No drugs, too expensive and dirty.

Sien.
Sien.
Sien.
Sien.
Sien.

F*ck you all. F*ck everything.

Bloody Credit-Card-Personal-Relations Twits.

They're so persistent aren't they? You say no, you don't want to listen to what they have to say, but they keep pushing and pushing, it's so pissyf*ck.

Went to the PC Fair at the indoor stadium to look around, maybe find some cheap steals. Didn't find crap. The webcams were expensive. Even the cheapest was RM80. Fine, maybe not RM80, but RM79.99, which is just as equivalent. Moron.

Asked father if I could get a new handphone, he did not directly agree. All I know is, my reasoning is legitimate and unrebutable. A good camphone will be sort of like a 3-in-1 sort of thing, mp4+digicam+phone. What more can I ask for? Not very much.

I will be taking many pictures once I get my phone. Then this blog will flourish and I will rule the world. Hah. Hahahahah.

I went with Kristine to the tennis association tennis court. Was really good 20 minutes spent there. The players were hot and sexy and sweaty. Very nice to view. The adult were a problem. They oversweated and were fat and greasy looking. One smelled very bad when he walked by us. Hmm. I want to be a sexy tennis player too. But seriously, tennis is like, the second most sexiest sport in the world apart from umm, I discussed this with Kristine, it was umm, urr, oh, I know, pole dancing! Woo! o_o" swtz jor.

I want to play tennis! I want to be sexy tennis player with really sexy tennis player legs and disproportionate arms. Woo! Really ba, tennis sexy gua. :'(

End of transmission.

p/s: Pictures will come soon. Hopefully. :)

I failed again.

I failed to be understanding.

I failed to love the right way.

I failed to ask for forgiveness.

I will never find myself someone who loves me for who I am.

I will never be able to understand the feelings of another.

I will always think I am right, in doing so I lose the people I love greatly.

All I can say is that...



I feel empty.



What's the use, he'll never look or talk to me the same way ever again. I might as well just give up and cry. I said so many times to myself that no one is worth crying for except my parents and grandma. I was very wrong. He took away my dignity, and I'm letting him do it, all because I want him to myself, no matter how hurt I get. Someone tell me, is this love?

Love is an illusion anyway. Always has been. We all imagine it to be something more. All it is is a special connection between two people. Special... It used to be special, I guess only I found it that way. He said he likes me, I like him too. Though I don't feel it anymore. It's all my fault. I made a crack in this relationship and it slowly got bigger till I fell too deeply in.

What is wrong with me? I'm so nasty and don't realise it. I always thought my good side was better compared to most, and it would neuter my defection. I have to be nicer. I need to think of other peoples' feelings. I need to get my priorities straight. God, help me become a better person.

I'm sorry to all my Art side friends that I insulted all Art side students as a whole. I meant to refer to those useless students. I never meant to hurt your feelings, especially Cathrine. You might not be a close friend as compared from before, but you're still my friend. I'm sorry.

I think I'm going to fail SPM because of all this emotional disturbance. To think I thought I would be immune to this damn occurance. Apparently not. You stole my heart and kept it in a beautiful cage. I cannot say I hate it. I cannot say I hate you. I like you, in fact. Very much so. Why?

I conclude my post with this very over-centimental line:

I'd rather have bad times with you, than have good times with someone else...

It's a summary of everything I feel right now.

Sincerely Yours,
Joe Y

I Should Get A Life. Soon.

I burnt my finger doing THIS during the science fair held in our school this morning in conjunction with our Maths and Science Week. My finger now has lymph, a liquid formed under the outermost skin layer because it has been damaged, by heat in this case. Kristine had her thigh near to her knee burnt as well, though we are fine. I'm having difficulty writing though. I wonder if Kristine is having difficulty sitting down or shitting. That would be a b*tch, huh?

I'm not very happy with 'him' right now. I'm going to write in numbers again.
This is why:
1. Doesn't reply Friendster messages. AT ALL.
2. Didn't call after coming back, thought will use same excuse: 'No credit'.
3. He told me he spent RM20 on some stupid gameshow. Contrast to point 2.
4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Doesn't care about me anymore.

Yah. Am pretty pissed.

No mood to type anymore. Damn methylated spirit and it's volatility and flamability.

Praying I Don't Get Misdirected.

Just chatted with a guy studying in KL. Very disturbing chat. Yet enlightening and interesting. Turns out he's queer too. Just my luck, huh?

Why are most KL guys gay or partially gay. It's strange. Or maybe I just have that kind of luck. Maybe.

Its not as if I don't have my limits you know. I won't go there during the prefect trip and have a one night stand. I won't. I won't. Really. Maybe. I don't know. Hmm. NO. Yes? I should stop now.

I uprooted a few topics about this gay phenomenon I'm facing. Must be a phase. Or not. I hope it is. I want to compare my children and say they are far smarter and more better looking than my friends' kids. Seriously. They will be.

Anyways, I suppose I should keep all this to myself, but hey, that's what some of you have noticed right? Thanks for all those who told me in MSN the next day and say you all don't mind. It's very strange indeed for me to admit now. As I think it was and maybe still is, a better idea not to expose myself now.

What if my parents find out you ask? Well, I'm just going to say it's just a phase, I'll probably snap out of it once I hit 18 or 19. But isn't that the most horniest age you ask? 'So what' is my answer. I just hope I don't get raped in college or uni. That would be traumatizing. I guess.

Spoke with someone's ex too. She's doing fine. Agree's with me when I say gay guys make better friends than straight guys as we they are more fun to be around with, especially for girls. At least you won't have to worry about getting crushed on or need to break up right? I mean, I'm in no way trying to discriminate straight guys for being lousy friends for girls(or maybe I am), but, umm, urr, ya... Maybe I don't have a point for that, but you get my point.

Mummy is getting me 2 pairs(doesn't pair mean 2? So if I get 2 pairs means 4?) 2 Levi's Jeans. Now, this might not mean much to some of you ah-beng type people, but to me, it is a rite to maturity, a sense of having something that costs alot to be able to be worn. Yes. To put it simply, I just like Levi's. I've been wearing Bum all my life, and it is seriously comfortable, but when I put on my first pair Levi's I said to myself, "Screw Bum, I'm sticking to Levi's till I die". Yah. They're really good. All the rich people who can afford to buy them anytime they want would know. I'm getting 2 from the U.S. as a present from my mummy as an early birthday present. Finally a pair 2 Levi's for me. That makes 4 in total, including the 2 my mummy passed to me because she says she's grown too skinny to wear. For your info, I'm size 28 and they fit me just fine. I'm now very worried for my mummy's health.

I don't care what Belinda or Kristine says about how 'cool' my mom looks the other night while we were having dinner at Sun City. Her hair is just so.. so.. so.... FRIZZY. Oh my gawd, like seriously, she used to have really long black hair and looked like Demi Moore, but now, she looks like she's been electrocuted, 99 times. I wish she would let me cut her hair because I woulden't do anything so it'll grow longer. Oh the pain. And she bought this really nice pai-.. LEVI'S from the SS2 store in town. I love the clothing there. But oh gosh, the prices. How I long to spend thousands on that store alone. I would drive away a happy bi boy. But you gotta love retail. :)

Moving on, I really hope none of you readers get turned off by my sudden postings with homosexual content. It's just the way I am okay? It might be wrong to you, but I don't see anything about it in the Bible. Or maybe I just missed it out. Never really made the time to read it. Hmm. I'm not going to hell.

Joe Out.

Eventuality In Advance.

Might as well admit it now. I don't really think anyone reads my blog anyway.

If you have, you might have noticed I have been on an emotional roll in my posts. This is because I'm not involved in a normal relationship. I didn't imply the gender of the person I care for in any way, because it's not really a 'she'.

I'm bi.

That's right. I'm not so sure myself, but all I know is, I feel the same for some guys as I do for some girls. It's kind of weird to most people, I know. But I just don't feel there is a need for me to keep it a secret for so long. It is who I am after all. If my friends were really my friends, they would accept me for who I am. I haven't told this to a few of my closest, because I would think they woulden't really take it very well. I don't know. I just feel like I'm in a blender.

This guy I like, I will not say who, is a really great guy. He has his faults, just like anyone else. He makes me smile, and makes me frown, sometimes feel like punching the wall, though I woulden't, because it will kind of hurt. Anyways, I do like him, but I don't really see myself getting involved in gay marriage. That's just too much. Who's going to give birth to the baby?

On a serious note, I don't really like myself this way either. Sometimes I feel that I was given the wrong hormones/pheromones upon birth, though everyone says God doesn't make mistakes and the such. But really, the hormone part is understandable, if you know the difference between hormones and pheromones. Pheromones is because everyone is starting to turn gay to me. Recently two of my friends(now complete useless sex crazed *ssholes), have become somewhat of gay people. They know who they are. Let me just release my tension.

X messaged my boyfriend(I know it sounds weird, okay, so just f*ck up) on Friendster. Y added my boyfriend on Friendster AND Msn. I mean, who tries to steal your boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back? To add to that, they are both guys. Seriously,

COME ON LA.

*ssholes.

So desperated to get f*cked. Trying to make excuses like they don't know anything or they didn't know it was him that I showed them. It's not as if I don't get how the typical homosexual acts. Especially teenages gays. I'm bi, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't know either way. Let's get this straight(oh my gosh, so ironic, no?), I may apply heterosexual implications:

1. You look at someones profile on Friendster because of 4 main reasons:
a. You recognize them as old/new friends and want to add them.
b. You are pathetic and add as many people as you possibly can.
c. You want to know them better so as to start a possible relationship.
d. You think they are hot and sexy and want to have sex with them.
2. You wait for the relationship to worsen, then swoop in for the kill.
3. You want 1 person as a back up just in case you get rejected by the person you really like.
This doesn't apply to straight people:
1. If you find a guy attractive, you are afraid to approach him because of the possible rejection and embarassment that news will spread that you are gay.
2. When you know someone is confirmed to be gay, you are less likely to be shy about getting to know the person more, especially if the guy is a friend of a friend.
3. Gay people are not easy to find, so you immediately try to snatch the nearest one you can find once he's available.
4. Most homosexuals are sex crazy. They constantly think about sex or having sex. Remember, males get sexually stimulated very easily.
5. 1 to 4 applies to most homosexuals, not all. Mostly teens, are they are very horny.

This is my main implications about Friendster and gay people. As usual, I'm probably 99.9% right. My apologies if you find this totally immoral, but what I have said is just basic human psychology. By the way, may I remind you that X and Y are still *ssholes? Very horny *ssholes indeed. Both of them should just have sex in the teacher's toilet. Ya.

In my defence, I did not approach this guy. He messaged me first. We sent a few messages in Friendster. Traded Msn addresses. Gave him my handphone number. He called the same night. We talked. He said a few things that made me smile. Things started from then on.

It's not easy having this kind of relationship. He's not even here. Typing this I already feel broken hearted, sorry to say to all you anti-gays. I don't know why, but I really feel for this person. I think I always will. I never thought it would get this bad. I don't like it either. I wish everyday that I could just forget this guy or if I never met him at all. Sometimes though, I wish I could just hug him. Sorry.

It hurts to be in a distance relationship. You don't get to touch them, feel their breath on your face as they talk close to you, hold your hand when you have something to say, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, all those things. You know? And I don't mean for guy-guy relationships only. I'm sure all you 'normal' people understand. It really hurts like shit and at times feels like heaven.

I'm sorry to everyone who expected more from me. I guess I coulden't control myself. He's so special, I can't even start to explain how. He's just... amazing.

Can I say this is love? I don't know. Someone explain to me.

End of transmission.

Juniors Ahoy, Abandon Ship.

Kem Jaya Diri is over. I'm not happy. I guess we did a bad job at KJD. The juniors didn't learn the Prefect Pledge till after the camp was over. They did okay at it too. Memorized the whole thing in a WEEK. Please note: WEEK. We were given 2 days. Make it 1 and a half. I coulden't sleep even if death asked me too. The f*cking tent was so damn hot and outside was so humid. Was sweating buckets of perspiration products. Not happy. Did 20-30 push-ups on the first day alone. I was the first to be given the punishment. Sylvester did not like my flip-flops. :(

Speaking of push-ups, none of the juniors did more than 10 throughout the whole camp. It was kind of dissapointing. Though I would feel bad if I gave them the punishment myself. But who cares, if I could do it, why not them. It's all because of the new rules. Some careless asthmatic collapsed and died because of being pushed too much to finish his/her push-ups. There is such a thing as an inhaler. God.

Their punishment was more to fickle attempts to annoy them greatly. We snatched away their 'trust' book thingies, and we gave them back without making them pay for it. It's a conspiracy, we all had to do 10 push-ups everytime our 'trust' was stolen. Waht teh fcuk la.

What's more is that I got shouted at by Mr. Patrick Avon. The PKHEM of our school and our belove- f*ck, I hate this man, he freaking scolds everyone like he's our boss. We're just prefects and he's the teacher in charge, not hired help from Indonesia. I don't even care if he reads this because he needs to get his priorities straight. We are not slaves. If he wants such perfect prefects, go f*ck a cow and wish for it. All the best for 07/08 prefects to deal with such a jerk. He's a freaking ART teacher. Who cares about ART? ART cannot be taught. It is manifested by the spontaneous creativity of an individual. *sshole. Who's scared of an ART teacher anyway? You tell me. He's NEVER around to lend us a hand. NEVER gives us words of support. ALWAYS talks out of topic and wastes our time, making us late for class. THAT is why teachers dislike us. They THINK we purposely skip their classes just because there's a meeting. NOW you know. F*ck. WE WANT MDM. JENNY BACK. REINSTATE HER NOW. PKHEM SHOULD NEVER BE A PROCRASTINATING TWITCHING MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.

I'm not afraid if he reads this. This is out of his bounds to 'expel' me. If he hates me, fine, as if any of us like him back. Even his 'treasured' juniors think he's just a blabbermouth. All talk, no substance. Just drones on and on about SOMETHING irrelevant to the topic, if there was a topic to begin with.

I forgot to say why I'm so pissed about this man. He called me stupid when leading the juniors at night. We got direct instructions from Mr. Charlton Brian NOT to use our damn torchlights unless given the signal. The 'conversation' went like this if I can recall vaguely:

Idiot: "Kenapa kamu tak guna torchlight la?! Kalau mereka jatuh dan cedera macam mana?!"
Me: "Kami diberitahu oleh cikgu Charlton untuk tidak mengguna torchlight."
Idiot: "KENAPA TAK BOLEH?! BODOH! Pegang tangan dia la! @#$%!"
Me: "F*ck you la retard."

I said that under intense breath that the junior I was holding giggled. I mean, who does he think he is? He didn't just call me stupid, he called almost everyone else on that shift stupid for following Mr. Charlton's instructions. If he's so angry, go pick a fight with Mr. Charlton then. *sshole. I'm sure he'll get pounded like mashed potato and cry to his mother. His mother will then kick his nuts and blend them up and splat it on his face and call it ART.

F*CK YOU LA.
AS IF YOU ARE KING??
YOU ARE JUST AN ART TEACHER.
I HATE YOU.
WE ALL HATE YOU.
YOUR TREASURE 'BABIES' ARE STARTING TO HATE YOU.
GET A LIFE, ART TEACHER.

God.

Hate isn't enough to express my feelings towards the fat cow.

WE WANT MDM. JENNY BACK.

Moving on, my junior is Mathias Kumek. He rocks. Very obedient and 'guai'. I guess he has Head Prefect potential. That is to say before I corrupt him. Uh oh. Anyways, it seems Sebastian Lim is possibly getting complacent. If you don't really know what complacent means, look it up in the dictionary, don't find fault with me. Sebastian was supposedly the predetermined Head Preffie long before juniors were invited to join. Seems he does not have the desire. Amelia Chia is also a predetermined Head Preffie. But looking through her, I see fake respect. It's as though she's just waiting to be elected and pay no attention to seniors. She has the right to anyway. Anyone who's better than me has the right to pay no attention to me. Just a matter of preference.

Anyway, so far so good, the juniors are sweet little kiddies. I love them all. Just that some are too sweet, they can't neutralize the bitter and sour in the school. i.e. 'kurang-ajar-lame-pai-kias'. Why aren't they expelled yet? I don't know. The principal probably doesn't give a flying damn. As long as I don't get beaten up. If I do, call your lawyer.

All in all, I guess things aren't so bad. Let's recap shall we?

1. Kem Jaya Diri was a failure.
2. I'm very sexy.
3. ART teachers make lousy leaders.
4. I hate suck ups.
5. Mdm. Jenny should be reinstated as PKHEM.
6. I have no respect for current PKHEM.
7. ART teachers = twitch.

Speaking of twitching, have you ever noticed that he twitches involuntarily during mid-speech? It's retarded.

Dear Loved One,

do not be flattered.

You mean so much,

yet give so little.

This is for you,

loving snake.

I am in love,
therefore I am.
Without love,
I am nothing.
I am me,
only without you.
Regardless,
I am still nothing.
You don’t see me,
I'm right in front.
Pierce my heart,
free me now.
I need you,
where are you?
I’m calling,
can you hear me?
I search for you,
I find nothing.
The day passes,
I hide beneath shadows.
I will not cry,
you will not bother.
My head is weak,
I need your shoulder.
Where is your mouth,
of which preaches me.
Your soothing voice,
it makes me blush.
I cannot forget,
the month of December.
Love abundant,
love temporary.
Fooled by illusion,
blinded by emotion.
Lost in fading love,
searching for you.
Murdered by fate,
it lies to me each day.
Pleasing you greatly,
to watch me die slowly.
My naïve inquiries,
end in embarrassment.
Lacking greatly in pity,
for someone so unprepared.
Become the hated person,
whom hurt you first.
Do I deserve this,
I ask my friends.
They pretend to care,
anesthetic in overdose.
Facts are what I find,
yet still asking questions.
Sadness in memory,
forgetting nothing of it.
Bringing much sorrow,
only to be abused in the end.
Do you not appreciate,
the things I’ve said?
Tell me now, tell me now,
let not lies be a wall.
In truth I find,
you have someone else?
Finally a backdoor,
a reason to hate you.
Is it bad for me to assume,
you have many after you.
Procrastinating each request,
with such old excuses.
Intelligence profuse,
do you not exploit it?
Such a dunce am I,
to be given childish reasoning?
Stupidity partial,
do not insult my understanding.
Of such humans like you,
trustworthiness pointed out?
Damage me with the obvious,
I am tempting you to do so.
Give me reason to hate you,
so that I won’t love you.
Impossible when rethinking,
because you are that special.
Average everyday lover,
I cannot use to describe you.
You give me reason to smile,
you make me stop breathing.
Continuing to love you,
it might be my own mistake.
The fault is all yours,
you touched me first.
Forgive me my lover,
for I have loved you so.

Thank You,

My Very Special Someone. Y

It hurts . . .
It really hurts . . .
Please make it stop . . .
I don't want to love you . . .
Never knew it hurts so much . . .
Just make it stop, it hurts . . .
Can you go away now? . . .
Stop doing this to me . . .
I hate you so much . . .
But I don't know . . .
How I can do it . . .
It really hurts . . .
It just hurts . . .

I want you to go away,

though you're never really here.

You treated me so well,

but that's all history now.

What is this game you're playing,

it's making me lose everything.

Am I gambling my heart,

for someone insignificant?

Stop saying you really care,

because I don't feel anything.

I feel so much for you,

even though I'm ignored.

Just take me away,

before I get myself lost again.

I used to love another,

that I left for you.

Does it mean anything,

when I say 'I like you'?

Everyone is staring,

though I feel invisible.

Take out this beautiful knife,

which you used to stab me before.

Am I asking for too much,

when you don't even listen at all?

Everyone is talking,

but I only hear your voice fading.

I know I dissapoint you,

and I'm hardly tring to improve.

I constantly try to apologize,

but you just look away.

Stop talking about Beijing,

I know you're leaving me anyway.

I wish you all the best,

even though I want to hurt you.

I want to hate you,

but always run back for comfort.

You're voice rings in my mind,

choking me when I hear your name.

You say you'll be there for me,

such colourful words in black and white.

December, I smiled everyday,

January, I waited by the window.

December, I slept with a happy heart,

February, I couldn't close my eyes.

December, I felt your care for me,

March, I contemplated spiritual suicide.

Save me from this emotion,

or this will be my last goodbye.

You can keep running,

but I will still be waiting.

I don't want to regret any of this,

though you give me 99 reasons to.

With you, I flew the highest high,

with you, I fell the lowest low.

I've learnt to let you go long ago,

but don't forget to remember me.

I really like you,

but do you like me?

Even if you say you do,

I wouldn't believe you anyway.

There's a hole in my heart,

your mark branded on it forever.

Your voice in my mind,

your smile in my heart,

your touch miles away,

your breath in the wind,

your gaze is misdirected,

your love,

only a memory.

Thank you, my very special person. Y

Condolesco Amatorius.

Translation: Pain of loving.
Situation: Heartbroken and in denial.
Feeling: Unwanted and deprived of care.
Reason: Left by special Someone.
Result: Will not sleep for whole night; thinking of Person.
Action to be taken: Nothing.

I never knew things could get this complicated. I'm a good person, no matter how I act on the outside. My intentions are usually good. I don't deserve this. Person doesn't deserve me. I wish I didn't get that fateful Friendster message. Person is going to Beijing to sit for entrance exam for a university. Person is smart. I am not. I cannot chase person in Beijing. I will have to let Person go because I care for Person. I feel so played. Even though I'm not. Person promised an SMS a minute before offlining. I have not recieve one as of yet. Why do I keep feeling so bad? Like wanting to throw up or biting something in half. I feel so strange inside. It's a crush. That's all it is. A simple juvenile crush. Which is actually hurting me. I used to like it, now I don't. I only wish I could just forget about this relationship like the others. Hoping this would turn around for the better. But I need to face the facts. Once you leave for your dream career, you'll be too busy to even come online like you promise you would. I never liked your promises. They're always broken. I can't seem to glue them back together to make things seem better. I'm trapped.

And I still like you.

I have turned emo. Am hoping I have no potential suicidal tendencies like I would think. Touch wood. I sort of enjoy liking you. It just gives me something to look forward to everyday. You're really something special. Everyone I love is special. But that doesn't hide the fact you still hurt me. Does this mean I'm spoilt? I only ask for so little. Why do I have to be the one who SMSs first. Why do you only call when you sense trouble. I don't like you. But I can't hate you. Why? This is weird. I'm weird. My friends think I'm weird. Or that's what I think.

You must have someone. You probably do already. I'm paranoid, so what. I have reason to. You've changed so much since last December. Your excuse? I can't be like that all the time. You haven't been like that for 2 months. What's your problem? What's my problem? I don't know. You never tell me. It's always a change of topic. I'm supposed to forget about you. But I had a hard time forgetting the previous. Now we're just friends. And I'm fated to never fall in love with friends. I'm on a downward spiral to being single and depressed. Thank you for everything.

I'm not angry. Just don't like this feeling. It's so messy. I'm so messed up. All because I like you.

I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.....

And I hate myself for it.
Please don't forget me when you leave.
Don't be the person who hurt you first.
Would you want me to feel the same as you did?
I don't know your answer.
But I hope you don't.

You say I should find someone else. At least I would be happier. I don't know if I would be. Or if I would find someone else like you. Neither do I want anyone else. I want you. Only you. You get me? I keep your history notes that you sent near me. I can't bear to read them as you keep irritatingly ask me to. I just can't concentrate having something from you so near me. Because I know I won't have anything else. I'll miss you when you go. Very much so that I will never forget your cute nerdy voice, your clumsy english and irresistability.

Good night.

Stress Kills. So Don't Take Exams.

It's Friday and after a whole week of test paper madness.

Next week we will continue.

Basically, I have nothing to say at this point. Kind of a waste of bandwidth huh? Who cares. I don't. I really don't.

Okay, so Biology was okay, not many problems faced. I still can't believe how hopeless I was at Addmaths again. It's just so hard to understand. I mean, you cant even apply it to real life. Only some of it, like the triangles and stuff. But I just don't get how logarithm will help us decide how many apples I'll get out of 127 between 7 people. Ya.

I need a digicam soon. Necessity is turning into desperate desire. Oh god, I am going to die a technological 'noob'.